I have yet to meet someone who truly loves his job. You may find it hard to believe but that’s probably due to what we meant by “love”. Put it this way: if money is not an issue (but you still have to work) and if you have a free hand in choosing any job you like (i.e. free from any constraints), will it still be your current job? If the answer is “no”, then it’s highly likely you don’t truly love your job.

I’ll always remember a very closely related quote from a friend: “If I enjoy working, then it’s no longer work. It’s called hobby”.

If you recall from my post about my profession, I’m in the actuarial line. It is something that earns quite good pay (definitely better than a teacher/lecturer) and it uses mathematics (specifically statistics), one of my favourite subjects. I know I do well in my job but I lack the full passion I’m capable in giving if it had been my first choice. So day in, day out, I just do my best for my job, given that I’m stucked with it. It’s like breathing: it’s necessary, there’s just no choice.

I’m an actuary but not qualified yet. I having been trying to clear the last few papers for more than 5 years. I have lost count of the number of failed attempts I’ve made.

I readily admit that some of the attempts were made half-heartedly but there were a few where I believed I’ve studied hard and smart as well but alas all in vain. I’m beginning to feel stupid. Each year I see people, who started off behind me in terms of progress, qualify. The absolute worst point was when a student, whom I taught back in my university (I was part-time tutoring), qualifed few years ago. How demoralising is that?

Does the qualification matter? Well, at least in this region, it’s an emphatic “yes”. Employer usually expects certain progress right up to qualification. I know sooner or later experience won’t help any more in my career until my qualification progress gets moving. I thought that I had a few years more to slide by without progress, judging from my ex-senior manager who told me that he was leaving partly because he is not a qualified actuary.

But I was wrong.

My top boss personally spoke with me about my experience and exclaimed that I should have qualified by now. Oh crap. Stress is now multiplied by tenfold.

So I spent some time on and off this week thinking about whether I can switch to another career line. Teaching comes foremost to my mind as it was what I was thinking of trying when I was younger and about to enter university but that was dashed due to internal issue. But I’m scared. So much need to change if I try this new field. I can accept drastic changes if the situation calls for it but if not, I rather take it gradually.

Nevertheless, while thinking about career switch, I now keep telling myself to just ignore my top boss No point adding more stress than needed, as I don’t think my job is in danger in the near future (touch wood!). Meanwhile, I would need to summon long forgotten motivation (destroyed by demoralisation) to study!